The old Whacker is feeling pretty ancient as you read this, looking for my normal dose of inspiration and rock-solid advice.
There’s this thing about American presidents and how they do things, rightly or (mostly) wrongly, which will have both immediate and long lasting impacts on the whole world.
Take President Truman. He had only been vice-president when Franklin Roosevelt died, just 82 days into his fourth term in the White House.
Just 198 days later, he would give the executive order to drop the first atomic bomb.
Hardly the resume you would be holping for when you want someone to launch the global thermonuclear era.
Which brings me, and you, to Donald Trump – you thought I was going to say duck didn’t you, cause he’s quackers.
The American people in their insular ignorance have launched Trump onto the rest of the world – an atomic bomb with an orange bouffant.
Trump, I strongly suspect, reckons he’s running the Truman Show – not the President Truman Show, no, Trump is pretty convinced he is running some kind of sick reality TV game – he even has an avatar which looks just like Elon Musk helping him.
But it is you and me who are going to be trying to survive in the nuclear fallout when these muppets have had their final four years in the spotlight. They don’t give a damn about anything except their egos and their bank balances because they can’t be re-elected. So they’re going to have as much fun as they can, and almost certainly at our expense.
Which leaves me wondering a couple of things.
Firstly, why are we all so fascinated by what the Americans do in the first place?
Individually, some of them are ok, collectively they are dangerously xenophobic and globally gormless and just love sticking their financial noses into the business of other countries – and then nearly always stuffing things up when they cut and run.
Which they nearly always do.
I know, in my many international trips as a representative of Australian agriculture and, yes, as a pin-up boy for the fact we are much better at what we do than the Yanks.
Secondly, why do we all give a damn about sucking up to Trump to try and get his blessing?
Seriously, whatever the Americans manufacture is available somewhere else in the world. And Australian agriculture is probably the biggest export we have to the US.
I am happy to build new markets elsewhere if we have to, but I would be sorely amazed if even Trump was dumb enough to think he could shut down Australian imports to feed his seething masses.
So, when you see things through the Whacker’s very considered eyes, Trump – or most likely one of his faceless underlings – should actually be coming here and making sure this massive protein source was securely locked into a long-term deal to keep hardening all those bloated American arteries.
Moving on from farming to fighting and Chinese navy vessels scooting up and down our coast, who in their right mind truly believes if something does go terribly awry the good old US of A will come running to help?
Whether it’s Taiwan (we’ll brush past some of Trump’s loonier outbursts, such as taking over Greenland and Canada) or Ukraine, or some other small unfortunate country, I would not be banking on any assistance of value there.
So far Trump has made sure our super funds don’t feel so super, has mocked every world leader and country who has dared defied his rampant ego, and if you sort through the headlines, hasn’t achieved anything particularly concrete since he returned to the Oval Office except create global chaos for no reason other than it seems to amuse him and his coterie of clowns.
I certainly know Australian super funds aren’t feeling too super right now – thanks Donny.
I am pretty damn sure things will get a lot more chaotic before the inevitability of four years brings down the curtain on the Truman Show/Trump era.
When you think about it, if we really are as smart and as powerful as we really think we are, then why are we still fighting wars – trade or any other kind?
